Whether 50 or 5,000 are gathered for worship, there are going to be distractions — sounds and movements that draw attention. Someone will get up to go to the bathroom. A cell phone will ring. And when children are present in worship, the likelihood of a commotion, even a slight one, rises significantly. Ironically even a parent’s efforts to keep a child quiet can be distracting.
“Parents are trying to make them sit still, listen and be quiet, and parents can easily reach a point of frustration themselves,” said Ashley Milner, assistant professor of education at the University of Mobile.
Wiggling children
Those seated near a child often get frustrated too and children’s ministers say complaints and eye rolling are not uncommon responses. Neither are they biblical responses, said Joy Moore, minister of preschool at First Baptist Church, Huntsville. At First, Huntsville, children ages 4 and older attend the worship service. In every pew, a note reminds congregants who might find wiggling children a distraction or annoyance that children are not only the future of the church, they are welcomed by Jesus and should be welcomed by other adults too.
For ministry leaders, creating a contemplative worship environment free of distractions is challenging.
Eric Geiger, vice president of LifeWay Christian Resources’ church resources division and pastor of ClearView Baptist Church, Franklin, Tennessee, writes, “Distractions do not merely impact the one speaking. They also pull people’s attention away from the message at a critical moment and may disrupt the focus on the Word. Because it takes time for attention to be regained, even small distractions are not a small matter.”
As a young mother, Vickey Weathers, administrative assistant for Cleburne Baptist Association, was embarrassed when she was asked to take her infant daughter out of a worship service on their first visit to a church. The church did not have a nursery, and the baby began to cry as the praise band’s volume increased. The worship leader, who also was the pastor, stood up and asked that anyone with a crying baby wait in the vestibule because he was “trying to usher (the congregation) into the presence of God.”
A second visit to the church resulted in the same announcement and instead of waiting, Weathers left, irritated in part because she realized loud music and infants were never going to be a good fit and the attitude of the pastor seemed set.
Many churches have established policies that require children under a certain age to be cared for outside the sanctuary during worship, providing nurseries or viewing rooms so that parents can hear the sermon. Churches that don’t have such facilities but also don’t welcome infants probably will not have families with young children, Milner said.
Skilled assistance needed
Though every context is different, Geiger emphasizes that distractions like crying babies must be “handled gently and with love by graceful and caring people.”
Another group that needs that same grace is families of children with special needs. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, approximately 5 percent of children ages 5 to 17 have some kind of disability. Many of these children require special accommodations and skilled assistance to attend worship.
“There’s a definite need of parents and children with special needs for a setting for them to attend,” Milner said. “It’s a struggle for parents. People sitting around you do not understand, and it may be impossible to keep a child from disrupting.”
Mark and Val know how challenging it can be to attend worship with an older child with special needs. The couple visited a local church because they had heard good things about the new pastor. The pastor was just settling in to his new position, eager to make a good impression on the congregation he was now leading.
The couple brought their son, who has autism, knowing it would be necessary for him to sit with them during worship. The noises he made were distracting to others around him, and as it turned out, to the pastor.
After the service, a staff member, at the pastor’s request, asked the parents to take their son to the nursery next time instead of bringing him to the worship service. The couple felt like their son was not welcome and never returned to the church.
Stories like this are common among parents of children with special needs. Though they want to be part of a church, parents often find that churches are ill-equipped to care for the physical, emotional and social needs of children who do not fit neatly into traditional categories.
While taking the child to nursery care might seem like a solution, nursery workers are not necessarily trained to care for the needs of an older child. Parents often feel better caring for their child themselves.
Nancy Glover, minister to children at Pleasant Ridge Baptist Church, Hueytown, says it is up to leaders to provide education to the congregation and gently guide them to accept those who are different. She gave the example of a child in their congregation with autism.
Reaching the entire family
“Sometimes people who sit near a child with special needs think the parents are not doing anything to manage their behavior,” Glover said. “When necessary, and as nicely as I can, I remind those in the pews near the family that they have just as much right to be in worship as anyone else. The family always sits in the same spot, and there are always other seats available if someone is uncomfortable or distracted.”
Ministering to children with special needs is really a ministry to the entire family, writes Amy Fenton Lee, author of “Leading a Special Needs Ministry.”
The first concern is creating an atmosphere where the child can have fun at church and experience Christ-like love, Lee writes. A close second is “creating venues to encourage parents and foster their spiritual growth.”
“To many kids with special needs, their church relationships will correlate with their understanding of Jesus’ love for them. Jesus loves us exactly as we are and He wants a relationship with us regardless of our performance,” Lee writes. “It is so important that we model that kind of relationship for participants with special needs.”
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