Perhaps you have seen the commercial of the man who goes to a local cell phone carrier to turn in his old phone for a new one. The female voice on the old phone seems to have developed an emotional relationship with the man. The voice reminds him of all the time he and his phone have spent together and all the experiences they have had together, causing him to question his decision to get a new phone. The commercial illustrates how we have become a society increasingly more connected to electronic devices and as a result less connected to people.
Stephen Marche asked the question in The Atlantic, “Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?” He writes, “Social media — from Facebook to Twitter — has made us more densely networked than ever. Yet for all this connectivity new research suggests we have never been lonelier (or more narcissistic) and this loneliness is making us mentally and physically ill.”
Need for social interaction
Jessica Olien recently reported in her article “Loneliness Is Deadly” in Slate that people without adequate social interaction were twice as likely to die prematurely, stating that social isolation impairs immune function and boosts inflammation. In its General Social Survey, The National Science Foundation found that one in every four people they interviewed had no one to talk to about their personal failures and/or successes. If family members were removed from the list of people interviewees could confide in then the number of people who lack close personal relationships doubles to more than half of Americans. Needless to say loneliness is increasingly becoming a larger societal issue.
The causes of loneliness vary from circumstances to personality types.
The breakdown of the family — separation, divorce and death of a spouse and/or family members — and leaving or changing jobs can all be causes of loneliness.
The use of electronics such as televisions, computers and smartphones may contribute to the problem as can the increasing dominance of social media in our lives.
We can feel lonely while alone or with many people around us. The introvert may need only a few significant relationships to experience connectedness while the extrovert may need a broad network of family and friends to share life with.
Lifestyle and culture changes can make it difficult to establish community and create a sense of shared belonging. Increased work hours, longer commutes to jobs and the growth of two career and single parent families have caused us to spend less time on developing community in our lives. Many families struggle to maintain a shared sense of belonging to each other in their marriages and parenting much less to those outside their immediate family.
Increasingly our culture’s emphasis on individualism, which highly values personal freedom, needs to be balanced with the innate desire we all have to be known and understood. We are interdependent on each other because of this innate desire yet we often avoid the community we need to experience in order to have this intimacy in our lives.
For some, loneliness increases during the holiday season. Holiday celebrations can be filled with wonderful memories with family and friends but as relationships change through the years feelings of loneliness can set in. As relationships change because of death, divorce and distance traditional holiday celebrations will be different. Loneliness can replace the feelings of love, joy and peace sought during this time of year.
In order to overcome loneliness during the holiday season we can find comfort in celebrating with our brothers and sisters in Christ through our local church. By focusing on the true meaning of the holiday season we can connect with God and others in genuine relationships of peace, joy and love. When we give to others during the holidays we take the focus off our feelings and seek to enhance the welfare of others.
As believers we can take comfort in our relationship with God, knowing that He never changes. He is always ready to meet us where we are in life to remind us of His love as well as help us while we experience feelings of loneliness. God made us to relate to each other and Him. He instituted the church so believers would relate to each other as the Body of Christ. We all need Him and we need each other to resolve feelings of loneliness.
Pathways Professional Counseling – 1-866-991-6864 or www.pathwaysprofessional.org.
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