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Keep on longing to know Godcomment (0)

July 3, 2003

By Betty Baggott

I was down, really down, on this particular day. My husband, Bob, had recently passed away, and I was trying to come to terms with what had happened. It was so difficult for me to unmask all my feelings, even to myself.

A part of me wanted to scream. Another part wanted to cry. Through it all, I desired to get on my knees and plead with God to get me through the darkest nights.

And He has, but that is a story waiting to be told later. On this particular day, I just had to make it through the day. My thoughts were interrupted by the noise of the postman’s car. As I walked to the mailbox on that chilling, cloudy February afternoon, I wept all the way. How many times had God already shown me it was alright to shed tears in the presence of the One Who knew me best — my God and my Comforter?

I looked in the mailbox and wondered why in the world a preacher would send me a book on “Finding God.” My salvation was real to me and with every fiber of my being I tried always to stay within His will. Like a drowning person searching for something to hold, I sat down to scan the pages.

How my spirits were lifted as I read of the personal experiences of Larry Crabb, author of “Finding God.” You see, as I had cried earlier I prayed there would be something in the mailbox to give me peace that day.

“I am never going to make it; there is no way.” My thoughts were hurtful. But within me I heard the words: “You may have lost the best friend you ever had, but you have not lost Me. There are yet so many mysteries to be uncovered in our relationship. I am here for you.”

Sitting there reading “Finding God,” I knew my prayers had been answered. Within all of us there should always be the deeper longing to know more of God.

After three years and five months of working through the grief process I am still in search of more of God. And even if I had not gone through this painful time in my life, other circumstances would still remind me our journey in life should be about spiritual growth.

Through the years, observing those in ministry has led me to believe that unfortunately for many there comes a cutoff place where one is saved but the growth period stops. Teachers like this keep on teaching, but their spiritual lives are the same as they were when they took the class themselves three years before.

Deacons like this settle for less in their lives than they should. If ministry is about being a servant rather than wanting power, the only way to broaden the vision of knowing God’s will as you serve God’s people is to find it on your knees, pursuing more of God.

People who impact others are those who constantly search for new glimpses of God. Everything — our Christian institutions, churches, homes — would be better if this were true.

As I write this, I think of pastors, church members and seminary teachers like this who press on toward the high calling of Jesus Christ. They don’t want to just “get by” in the Lord. They want to have a continuing love affair with God.

A big thank-you to the pastor friend who sent me the book “Knowing God.”

In the margin of the book on Aug. 8, 2002, I wrote:

“I have not had my quiet time as I should. I am so busy, and I love my job, but I must not stay so busy I leave God out. God has brought me so far since Bob’s death. And I thank Him. I am so weak without God, and I must remember that. Please teach me more of You, God.”

He has, and He will. It all depends on my willingness.

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