By Jennifer Davis Rash
The Alabama Baptist
The distance and coldness slapped me in the face. I knew my friend had a lot on her mind so I didn’t worry about it — at first.
When it happened again, I asked if she was OK because she seemed upset about something. She said she was and didn’t offer any explanation.
After a few days of the same experience, I investigated because she obviously wasn’t OK. I thought back to what might have happened and realized I was what happened.
In a pressure-filled, deadline-crunched, sleep-deprived moment, I had barked at her about a project we were both working on. In the moment, I didn’t realize I had been hurtful.
My words were not meant to target her. I was actually frustrated with myself because I had not prepared as thoroughly as I thought I had.
As soon as my aha moment came, I ran to my friend to apologize. She appreciated the acknowledgement and eventually warmed up to me — but it wasn’t immediate. She kept me at a slight distance for months.
It hurts me deeply when I hurt another person and yet I’m extremely capable of doing it.
I don’t tend to panic nor react frantically in tense situations. I’m the person who stays calm, assesses every side of the situation and determines the plan of action. But with this calmness under pressure comes a laser focus and sharp directness that can easily stomp on another’s feelings.
While I’m continuously working to improve in this area, I’ve also learned to show others grace when the situation is reversed. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they aren’t targeting me, that they are merely under a lot of pressure at the moment.
Many friends have modeled that same grace for me through the years.
In fact, another friend of mine and I had a rough season once when we were misreading each other’s emotions as being upset with the other. Once we realized what we were doing, we made a pact that we would always tell the other if something was wrong in our relationship rather than forcing each other to guess.
The experience was so freeing that I challenged myself to move quickly to resolve any conflict that might arise in all my relationships.
My goal is to stop myself the second I realize I’m being unfair or hurtful, take responsibility and apologize, then regroup in a way to have a calm and mutually respectful conversation. I’m learning to truly validate the other person’s feelings and decipher the facts of the situation while trying to avoid emotional responses. I’m also learning I don’t have to always be right — yes, that might have been the hardest one for me to swallow.
When I’m on the other side, I’m trying to calmly alert the person right away that what he or she did or said was hurtful to me. From there, my goal is to be kind, forgive and not leave any awkward feelings between us. It is really hard to tell another person when he or she has hurt or frustrated you, so I’m also working hard to not react defensively when someone is bold enough to share.
And currently I’m digesting the helpful tips offered on dealing with conflict in the Faith and Family package on pages 1, 4, 5 and 6 of this issue.
Some days merely attempting to live in relationship with the vast number of people in our lives can stretch our abilities, but I’ll be the first to say it is worth all the effort. I can’t imagine my life without all the amazing people who make it so rich, joyful and fulfilling. I’m just thankful they choose to love me despite my many shortcomings.
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Rashional Extras — “Yet I Will Praise You”
I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my brokenness
I will praise You Lord
I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my desperation
I will praise You Lord
And I can’t understand
All that You allow
I just can’t see the reason
But my life is in Your hands
And though I cannot see You
I choose to trust You
Even when my heart is torn I will praise You Lord
Even when I feel deserted I will praise You Lord
Even in my darkest valley I will praise You Lord
And when my world is shattered and it seems all hope is gone
Yet I will praise You Lord
I will trust You Lord my God
Even in my loneliness
I will trust You Lord
I will trust You Lord my God
Even when I cannot hear You
I will trust You Lord
And I will not forget
That You hung on a cross
Lord You bled and died for me
And if I have to suffer
I know that You’ve been there
And I know that You’re here now
From Vineyard music, singer Melissa Boraski with music and lyrics by Andy Park
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By Jay Robertson, Ph.D.
University of Mobile
Being new in Christ means daily walking away from the old life of sin and daily walking in the new life we have in Him. Everything that is true about us positionally in Christ, God is working out in our lives practically.
The imminent return of Christ ought to motivate Jesus’ followers to glorify God in everything they do. Jesus’ return should create within us a sense of urgency that should characterize every aspect of our lives. In light of Christ’s return, believers need to use good judgment and stay calm in a spirit of prayer. Don’t lose your head and act irrationally. Think clearly and pray about everything.
Stay fervent in love for one another. The word fervent means “strained.” We should stretch our love for one another to the limit. Believers also should be hospitable toward one another. Love opens the door of your heart and your home. As we expect Jesus to return, we should keep busy serving one another for the glory of God.
Editor’s Note — Excerpt from the Oct. 16 Explore the Bible Sunday School lesson commentary in the Oct. 13 issue of The Alabama Baptist.
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A servant is someone who gets excited about making someone else successful.
Author Beverly LaHaye
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From LinkedIn:
Tongue Fast
By Jenny Reese Clark
Christian author and testimonial speaker
“A legitimate complaint can only be resolved if you direct it to the one who can change your situation. Only a few people who are dissatisfied, annoyed or upset by an experience actually take steps to officially complain about it. They prefer to waste time soliciting others to commiserate with them. What an exercise in futility. Not only could their input to the right person improve things for them but for others as well.
“Because complaining is contagious, this is a hard mouth malady to cure. Someone once said, ‘To murmur is wicked for it takes God’s promises in vain.’ How true.”
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Unless we approach productivity strategically, we’ll never get out of reactive mode. We’ll get more done, but we won’t get the right things done.
Michael Hyatt
Author and productivity expert
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@deaninserra
Marriage conversations need to be 10xs more about self-denial and discipleship than “you need to go on a weekly date night.” Get real.
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@edstetzer
Without love and the Golden Rule, people and arguments are demoted to caricatures, and that gets us nowhere.
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Your real values are not revealed by your words but by how you use your time, passion and energy.
Gary Fenton
Characterpath.com
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