Keeping count of the number of friends and family who feel they are letting everyone around them down can no longer be done with my fingers. I’m not sure what has so many stuck in this season right now but it is a feeling I fight from time to time myself.
I’ve determined it is never quite as extreme as it seems but when the feeling hits, it is hard not to believe it is every bit as bad as it feels.
When I experience the “letting everyone down” moment, I am typically overwhelmed.
Because high expectations and countless requests are part of my everyday life, I count it a success that most days I can bounce between them all — whether successfully or not — with energy and a smile.
But some days are different. What changes when the routine becomes discouraging?
For me, I am more vulnerable and emotional when I’m overly committed, tired, not exercising and spending too little time in God’s Word.
But even then I don’t tend to move into the “letting everyone down” mode until I begin sensing disappointment from those closest to me that I’m not focused on them enough. It might mean I’m not physically present; it might mean I’m not in tune emotionally; it might mean I’m not doing enough to help out.
Can be crippling
I can’t speak for others nor have I done any research to truly understand where they are and what they are facing, but I know how they are feeling and understand the crippling nature of where it leads.
As for my journey, I’ve determined what I’m sensing in those moments is my own guilt and disappointment in myself.
I truly want to be present for everyone in my life and I want to be caring and helpful at all points but sometimes there are more needs than I can handle alone.
It is always hard for me to not step up, jump in or assist. It’s equally as hard for me to admit I’m not always the best or right choice to help and, in some cases, that I’m already overcommitted and can’t add another item to the list.
But what about the unexpected serious needs that arise, those things we absolutely know need our attention?
Those are the times we do what we have to do and figure it out in the mix of it all. And we work to build margin in our lives so there’s wiggle room in our schedules to handle the unexpected without taking us down in the process.
Remembering to share the load is another good choice to make. It may mean one person gets more credit than another. It may mean some roles are more popular than others. But if we can humble ourselves to do what needs to be done and not worry about who gets to do what or who gets credit, then we can be a powerful force of assistance in taking care of the need at hand.
I expect a lot of myself and others. Others expect a lot of me. I’m thankful for that because I do believe high expectations keep us sharp, growing and doing our best.
At the same time, I’m still learning how to prioritize the expectations so those who should be receiving the best of me aren’t getting the leftovers.
I’m also working to give a gift to those in my life I sense are overwhelmed by being super selective about what I ask of them. I’ve decided not to be a person who is only focused on clearing my own to-do list each day.
Instead I want to find something I can do every day to make someone else’s load a little bit lighter while also being realistic with the load I’m choosing to carry.
________________
Rashional Extras – Building trust with your team
By DOM Barry Cosper
Bessemer Baptist Association
I recently read an article by Charles Stone on “5 Ways to Build Trust with Your Team.”
Without trust, a church staff or ministry team simply will not function at its best. Many times during the mistrust there will be suspicions of motivation.
In a recent article that appeared in the Harvard Business Review the author quoted some dismal statistics about the workplace which probably hold true in the ministry realm as well.
According to the 2013 Edleman Trust Barometer, fewer than 20 percent of respondents believe leaders are actually telling the truth when confronted with a difficult issue in their organization.
Furthermore, a study conducted by the Human Capital Institute and Interaction Associates in 2013 found only 34 percent of organizations had high levels of trust in the places they work. A paltry 38 percent reported that their organizations had effective leadership running the show.
Research firm Gallup found that between 2000 and 2012, the percentage of engaged employees in the workforce was 30 percent or less. So 70 percent of employees spent more than a decade essentially collecting a paycheck, an almost Shakespearean spectacle of tragic ambivalence.
Can you imagine? If only one-third of our church staff teams experience a high level of trust, then we have a lot of work to do. Here are five simple ways to build trust with your team:
- Intensify personal relationships. Depending on the size of your staff, you may not have time to build strong relationships with everybody. At least do so with your key players.
- Share when you have failed. When others hear from us what we learned from our failures, we endear ourselves to them. When you mess up, admit it.
- Don’t abuse your authority. If you’re in a place of leadership over others, don’t lead from position. Lead from character. Lead in such a way that others would want to follow you.
- Invite input from your team. We seldom know all the answers. When we invite input from our team, we give them ownership of the ministries and the changes we want to implement. Ownership builds trust.
- Never, never, never condescend. When people feel patronized and condescended to, they deeply resist.
________________
Jesus repeatedly clarifies that every person falls into one of just two categories: separated from God by sin or connected to God by redemption. … In Jesus’ view, all who are not yet reconciled to God fall into the same category — regardless of human labels. … We act as if pride, jealousy, greed and bitterness are less egregious sins — because they are our sins. … Incidentally, if we were to argue scripturally that any single sin is the “worst,” that sin would … be either religious hypocrisy or blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. … We are either washed by the blood of the Lamb or we are not. But the point is that, according to Ezekiel, being “arrogant, overfed and unconcerned” were the sins God most remembered about Sodom.
John S. Dickerson
“The Great Evangelical Recession: 6 Factors That Will Crash the American Church … and How to Prepare”
________________
Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership.
U.S. Military and government leader Colin Powell
________________
We become adult toddlers when we refuse help from people and believe the lie that seeking assistance is a sign of weakness.
Author Jon Acuff
Excerpt from his article “Don’t Let Perfectionism Kill Your Goals” in Relevant magazine
________________
Pastors, missionaries and all Christians have a lot of daily demands. If we are going to be able to serve God with all of our might, to offer up our bodies as living sacrifices, we need to condition them for the work. If you don’t practice, how will you succeed at game time? The demands of ministry will destroy you if you do not prepare both physically and spiritually for the rigorous gauntlet of the Christian life.
Chad Ashby, South Carolina pastor
Excerpt from his blog post “4 Reasons Every Pastor Should Exercise”
________________
When parts of your body stop working, you die. What happens when the members of the Body of Christ stop working?
Joel Dison
@jjdison
Share with others: