Rashional Thoughts — Processing reality of suicide

Rashional Thoughts — Processing reality of suicide

The details are foggy about that morning but the tragic reality never leaves me. I remember the call, the intense grief and the hours my younger brother, even younger cousin and I spent playing in the car as the adults in our family surrounded my Aunt Sybil and Uncle Jim.

The scene was too much for the three of us kids, so our parents tucked us safely away where they could keep an eye on us but not expose us directly to what was happening inside the house.

My oldest cousin, Steve, had committed suicide a few hours before daylight.

It has been about 35 years since that difficult day but I can still sense the intensity surrounding it all — especially the devastation and heartbreak of my Aunt Sybil, who found him that morning. She never spoke of Steve again in public.

There were no photos of him in her house. Everything of his disappeared. I’m sure she had it stored away somewhere safe but it was not to be discussed.

My Aunt Sybil held tightly to her faith and served everyone she could with every ounce of energy she had. She took great care of my Uncle Jim, who suffered from several serious health issues.

She grieved hard when she buried him too, but there was something different about the grief she walked through with her son.

Making sense of it all

I remember spending a lot of time at Aunt Sybil’s house, especially after Steve’s death. She loved to spoil her nephews and nieces, and we loved how she spoiled us.

Every once in a while I would actually be the only one there with her. I don’t remember how or why but I treasured those moments because that’s when she would talk about Steve and her relationship with the Lord and how she was surviving each day on the journey.

Her eyes always welled up with the biggest tears and she could never look directly at me as she talked, but she would share until the pain was too much to bear.

She couldn’t understand why he would take his own life, why he didn’t want to live.

She described the pain as having an entire section of her body ripped away with a gaping wound that remained eternally raw.

I’m not exactly sure how I processed all of that as a preteen and young teenager, but I know I hurt deeply for my aunt and uncle as well as our entire family.

There has been another incident of suicide in my extended family and at least two moments when I was the one on the phone for hours talking someone down from threatening suicide.

It’s truly an overwhelming experience and I found myself angry at times — angry because the person seemed to be acting so selfish in that moment. How could he or she do this to the rest of us? How could he or she hurt his or her parents like that?

As I’ve researched articles through the years, heard people’s stories, talked to experts and learned more about the tendencies of suicide, I’ve realized that a person at that point truly doesn’t see a way out. There are a number of reasons that lead to the pivotal point, but in all cases the person needs professional assistance.

The articles here shine a spotlight on teen suicide. I urge you to save the four-page pull out and use it as a resource if/when needed. The articles have challenged me to also stay aware of the moods and needs of those in my life and work to help everyone I know realize they are truly valued, and they are not alone.

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Ready. Set. Rest.
By Caleb Jones

Resting, recharging and taking time for myself are all things I struggle with immensely. However, they are necessary for thriving in life.

I prefer to live by words like “don’t stop,” “keep going,” “push through it” and “it’s OK, I’m fine.”

I haven’t rested in who knows how long, and as I’m writing this, my body hurts and my mind feels fried. I just need to stop and sit with Jesus; I need to sit at His feet and not move for a very long time.

But where in the world am I supposed to find time to stop?

I’ve got to remind myself that life will go on, and there will always be that next thing that I need to accomplish.

However, if I’m not careful I can get so focused on accomplishing tasks — even if they are positive tasks — that I forget to simply worship. We cannot afford to forget to worship Jesus.

If we do keep pushing on through exhaustion and continue to allow ourselves to be overcommitted, we are headed down a road that can easily lead to a fiery crash.

According to the Guinness World Records, the longest anyone has consecutively juggled three objects is 12 hours and 5 minutes. I know this isn’t exactly the same as juggling life but it should give us some perspective. We shouldn’t lie to ourselves. We can’t continually juggle everything because eventually we are going to drop something.

Jesus wants us to sit at His feet. Yes, He wants us to make disciples and go to the nations proclaiming His name, but He wants us to do so while we are closely connected to Him. He knows that if we live lives that constantly pour out and are constantly on-the-go we will eventually hit empty.

My prayer for myself is that I desire Jesus and that I desire to be with Him above all else — not that I desire to do great things for Jesus. If I desire Him above everything and great things happen, then awesome, but if I do that and I don’t see the things happen on earth that I want to see that’s OK because when I’m gone from this earth I will get to see Jesus. Nothing is greater than that.

So I’m going to put some stuff on hold and worship my Creator. The time to rest has come.

Ready. Set. Rest.

Editor’s Note — This is an excerpt from Jones’ blog post “Ready. Set. Rest.” at theropetab.wordpress.com.

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Your beam of light
By Melissa Mann

If your personal beam of light isn’t pointing forward, you will never know just how far the light will reach.

We are all born with internal flashlights. When we enter into a relationship with Christ, He turns the light on and points it forward. He knows how far the beam will reach, how long the batteries will last and where He needs it to take us.

But sometimes we readjust the angle and shine the light on our surroundings, toward the clouds or on ourselves.

If our lights are focused on anywhere but forward, we lose sight of what we can do, start comparing ourselves to others and possibly have a pity party. We forget our light can make a difference on the journey when we fail to keep it pointed forward.

Editor’s Note — This is an excerpt from Mann’s “Where are you pointing your beam?” blog post at Momentsalongthe-journey.blogspot.com

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Daily heart check
By Pastor Franklin Kirksey
First Baptist Church, Spanish Fort

Author Warren W. Wiersbe wisely observes, “The heart is the ‘master-control’ of the life; a wrong heart always produces a wrong life. To allow sin into the heart is to pollute the entire life. … Live in God’s Word and He will protect your path, direct your path and perfect your path for the glory of Jesus Christ.”

Proverbs 4:23 reads, “Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.”

Note the duty of it — “Keep your heart”

Note the diligence of it — “with all diligence”

Note the details of it — “For out of it spring the issues of life.”

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“The direction of your life will determine your destination. … What captures our attention influences our direction. Attention, direction, destination. That’s the principle of the path in three words. And as your attention goes, so goes your life.”

Andy Stanley
“The Principle of the Path: How to get from where you are to where you want to be”

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“Just be where you are right now and forget everything else. Focus on now. Be where your feet are.”

From “The Sender: A story about when right words make all the difference” by Kevin Elko and Bill Beausay