Jason Duckett didn’t know that when the young mother and her 13-year-old daughter left church on a recent Wednesday evening it would be the last time he’d see them.
Later that night both were killed by the mother’s former boyfriend.
Their deaths shocked the entire community, Duckett said. “And immediately when it happened, we knew that we as a church needed to do something.”
Pointing people to Christ
Duckett, pastor of Moundville Baptist Church, said as the news rippled through town, he and other area pastors went to visit with students at the daughter’s school, which welcomed them with open arms.
“And that evening we opened our church and had a time of prayer,” he said. “We just wanted to make ourselves available and we tried to point people to Christ in the midst of that tragedy.”
But even as they did Duckett began to think toward more long-term needs.
“It certainly made us more aware of the issues our church family and community may be facing,” he said.
So he talked with the mayor, local law enforcement officers and Turning Point, a west Alabama organization that aims to help victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. Together they organized a forum on domestic abuse and opened it up to the community.
“We had a panel and each of them shared, along with a couple of the family members of those who were involved in the domestic incident,” Duckett said. “They shared some signs that surround these kinds of situations that maybe we were not aware of.”
A “good showing” of the community participated in the forum, he said.
Knowing how to help
According to LifeWay Research, 87 percent of pastors strongly believe “a person experiencing domestic violence would find our church to be a safe haven.”
But Scott McConnell, executive director of LifeWay Research, said many pastors who want that statistic to be true admit that they don’t know how to be proactive in helping.
“Many pastors aren’t aware if domestic violence is happening in their congregation,” McConnell said. “And even if they are aware they often don’t know how to help.”
Because of that they often just choose not to address it, LifeWay Research reports. Four in 10 pastors said they rarely or never address the issue, and another 22 percent discuss the issue once a year. Only about half of churches have a plan in place to assist victims, LifeWay Research reported.
Of the churches that do have a plan:
- Around 75 percent have a referral list for professional counselors.
- Two-thirds have funds available to help victims.
- More than 60 percent say they can provide victims a safe place to stay.
- More than half have a referral list for legal counsel.
- And just less than 50 percent have someone in the church who has gone through domestic violence whom victims can talk with about what they are experiencing.
Congregations also have resources like shelters, state agencies and support groups they can refer people to if they need help, LifeWay Research reported.
For Moundville Baptist, Turning Point is one of those resources.
Belinda Jones, Turning Point’s director of domestic violence services, said the organization would love to be a source of help for any church that needs it.
“Churches can offer information to people for where to get help and we are one of those places where they can come,” Jones said. “They can come to our safe house and stay there, they can come to get counseling and we can help them restart their lives.”
Turning Point can even help them pay past due bills and pay rent on a new apartment if financial problems are what’s holding them back from escaping a violent situation, Jones said.
“We want to help them live self-sufficiently and free from domestic violence and sexual assault,” she said.
It’s not uncommon for the perpetrator to attend church alongside the victim, and it’s important for pastors to make sure victims feel safe coming forward without fear of people in the church finding out their story.
“They need to feel like they’re not being judged but like they are being heard, taken seriously and respected,” Jones said.
For more information about Turning Point, visit turningpointservices.org.
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Warning signs of abuse in others
People who are being abused may:
- Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner
- Go along with everything their partner says and does
- Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing
- Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner
- Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy or possessiveness
Warning signs of physical violence
People who are being physically abused may:
- Have frequent injuries with the excuse of “accidents”
- Frequently miss work, school or social occasions without explanation
- Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in summer or sunglasses indoors)
Warning signs of psychological abuse
People who are being psychologically abused may:
- Have low self-esteem even if they used to be confident
- Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn)
- Be depressed, anxious or suicidal
Source: helpguide.org
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