God can handle questions, doubts, Barrett says

God can handle questions, doubts, Barrett says

Some of the most joyful words ever spoken are those announcing a pregnancy. The words invite hugs, pats on the back and well wishes for the parents-to-be. 

For some, however, that initial joy will turn to despair when the pregnancy ends in miscarriage. The March of Dimes estimates that for every 100 women who know they are pregnant, 10 to 25 will experience an early pregnancy loss.

The risk of miscarriage is lower in younger pregnant women and goes up with age. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), the risk for miscarriage for women aged 20 to 30 years is between 9 and 17 percent. At age 40 a woman’s risk of miscarriage increases to 40 percent. By age 45 the risk goes up to 80 percent.

Miscarriages are more likely to occur within the first 13 weeks of pregnancy. Most are isolated events with no discernable cause, and the majority of women who experience miscarriage will later have a normal pregnancy and delivery.

Encouraging statistics do not negate the pain of miscarriage, however.

‘A tragic, full stop’

“In every case, the miscarriage brings a tragic, full stop to the hope and excitement and fear of pregnancy,” writes Elise Erikson Barrett in “What Was Lost: A Christian Journey through Miscarriage.” 

For the believer, a miscarriage often raises significant spiritual questions as well. Why would God allow an unborn baby to die? Is this a punishment for the parent? Or a lesson?

Jessalyn Hutto, author of “Inheritance of Tears: Trusting the Lord of Life When Death Visits the Womb,” writes, “When terrible things happen for no apparent reason, the most basic question we ask is ‘why?’We may compare ourselves to Christian women who only have successful pregnancies and wonder what’s different between us that would produce such horribly different outcomes.”

Such thinking is a dangerous path spiritually because it views suffering as a reflection of God’s feelings and our relationship with Him as performance-based rather than grace-based, Hutto says.

Trials that bring suffering are inevitable for broken people living in a broken world, but those trials are not evidence of God’s disfavor. Instead the Bible assures believers that “in each and every event, whether good or bad, God is always doing more than we could possibly imagine in ways we could never anticipate. His plan to take something altogether awful, like miscarriage, and use it for our good and His glory is beyond our understanding,” Hutto writes.

God can not only handle the questions and doubts of grieving parents, He can handle their anger and bitterness as well, Barrett says. 

“Do not feel as if to be a good Christian you have to accept your loss, to immediately find meaning in it or to pretend to be happy with God when you are not,” Barrett writes. “One of the precious, life-giving things about our Scripture is that it contains searing prayers of anger, betrayal, bewilderment, longing and doubt. These are all legitimate ways for the people of God to feel toward their God. God is big enough to receive your doubt, your anger, your bitterness. God does not need to be protected from real grief and emotions.”

God also is big enough to help grieving parents walk through suffering with confidence in the Lord’s lovingkindness and the Spirit’s comforting presence, Hutto says.

“Recognizing how our suffering relates to the gospel story allows us to walk victoriously through trials,” she writes. “If we are to find peace and hope in the midst of grieving, we must fix our gaze upon our wonderful Savior who loves us with an incomprehensible love. He is the one who will guide us through the fog of despair.”