How has life been this week? Working through any disappointments?
It’s hard for me to watch anyone be let down. I tend to take responsibility for reversing such situations even when it’s not my responsibility to bear. I also will carry an unhealthy level of guilt if I discover there was something I could have done but didn’t do to prevent someone in my life from experiencing disappointment.
The desire to serve others in this way includes everything from helping co-workers with daily responsibilities to being there for friends in need to keeping up with all that happens with extended family.
My hubby, Jason, and I have been known to drive five hours one direction to spend Christmas Eve with one side of the family, stay until everyone goes to bed, and then drive seven hours over night another direction to make it to Christmas morning breakfast with the other side of the family.
Difficult decisions
I know, many of you are shaking your head right now and scolding me for that kind of nonsense. But ask any young married couple about the struggle over where to spend various holidays during the first few years of marriage — it can be a difficult season of life transition.
In our case, we couldn’t dream of disappointing either side so we found a solution that kept everyone happy — at least we thought. We soon realized we actually caused anxiety for both sets of parents because of all the travel we were doing with no sleep.
And while it has been almost two decades since first facing those kinds of family-related decisions, I continue to fight an internal battle every day about how I can best serve those around me. The difference now comes with tough life lessons teaching me to work with the information and resources I have to determine what is best for everyone involved, not necessarily what prevents disappointment.
God moments
I still hurt when others are unhappy and I always want to “fix” things but I’m learning to step back, assess the situation and pray for guidance about my proper role. So many times I have rushed to take care of something or someone without working through it with God first.
God has provided several life-altering, face-on-the-ground-grateful-to-Him opportunities to serve since I gave Him my heart and life at age 19. The most profound opportunity revolved around Belle, my precious niece who snuggled her way into countless hearts during her courageous five-and-a-half-year battle with cancer. (P.S. Belle would have been 10 on May 24. To learn more about her, visit rashionalthoughts.com and click on the “Snapshots of Belle” category.)
So when I can evaluate such impactful seasons such as what God gave me through Belle, why would I dare snatch every random opportunity to help as if they were really all for me? Could I be swiping another person’s chance to serve and thus be stealing his or her blessing?
And why would I not strictly follow Him to the specific areas of service He has in store?
I’m sure part of it is because of the desire to prevent unhappiness in others. Another aspect is likely a need to be needed or the fulfillment that comes with making others happy. And then there is the extreme need for efficiency I have as well as the ability to quickly assess a situation — these two traits allow me to solve problems quickly.
But as one of my mentors always reminds me, “strength overdone becomes weakness.”
Another lesson I’ve learned in recent years is to be mindful of each person’s tolerance level related to frustrations and what is really a call for help versus a verbal processing of anxiety.
My typical response to being overwhelmed or experiencing distress is to focus, prioritize and get to work. I will attempt to chip away at each item, starting with the most urgent and maneuvering my way from there. I intend to handle everything put on me without ever asking for help. Granted, this is not necessarily the right thing to do nor is it always possible but it is where I start.
So a lesson I learned the hard way is that while I personally will wait until it is nearly too late to be rescued before I will dare ask for help, others aren’t built that way.
Some are much healthier in their approach and know the proper time to request assistance as well as specifically what is truly needed from others and what they can handle themselves. They know the right thing to ask from the right person at the right time.
However, there are others — none I know of course (eh hem) — who start expressing fret, disappointment, unhappiness, fear, etc., the second anything changes in their day or something doesn’t work exactly right. Combine their immediate screams for help and my innate desire to take care of others and I’m forced back into an internal battle.
How do you react?
For me it is about setting boundaries and learning to hesitate unless I know it is a serious issue in which I need to assist.
For others, if you are one who reacts quickly, loudly and with anxiety to frustrations in your day, please know you are likely taking others down around you without even realizing it. Finding a way to cope through calmer and more productive methods could be your way of truly serving and improving the quality of life for those around you.
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Rashional Extras – Hating the pain, suffering
By Jenni Ingram
Member, First Baptist Church, Gantt
As I sit writing this my heart is heavy with the knowledge that very soon a young man I have known almost since birth will be going home to heaven.
He is a talented, loving, kind 16 year old who has a knack for making people smile just by being around him. He will be gaining his healing from cancer when He arrives in the arms of Jesus but that doesn’t make this transition easier on anyone.
I can very easily emphatically say, “I hate cancer,” and I do. After all, the cancer will take this precious child of dear friends as it has taken so many others before him, including my father.
More than cancer I hate the enemy. You know, the one who tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden and allowed sin, sickness, pain and suffering to enter into the perfect world that God created.
As a Christian, I know I am not supposed to hate but in these instances, I feel it’s acceptable.
Let me tell you what the Bible says about hate and how I feel about it.
Psalm 97:10 says, “Let those who love the Lord hate evil.”
Therefore I do not feel badly about hating the enemy because I do love the Lord and I hate all evil. Not just the evil of illness, but also the evils of blasphemy and godless behaviors as well as my own struggles of doubt and worry.
However, I love my brothers and sisters who fight every day right beside me to live as the Lord commands.
My current battle is not to become jaded with the pain of this world. I give all of this pain and all of this sorrow to the Lord for He alone is capable.
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“You may feel like being bitter but you have to choose to be better. You may feel like living in the circumstance but you have to choose to live in the vision. You may feel like giving up but you have to choose to fight weary. You may not feel like being kind but you have to choose to be a blessing. … Placed in front of [you] is life and death. Choose. Placed in front of me is love and darkness every day. Choose love. Placed in front of you and me … is faith and fear.”
From “The Sender: A story about when right words make all the difference” by Kevin Elko and Bill Beausay
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“Hurting people hurt people.”
Rick Ousley talking about revenge at The Station Church, Hoover
Tweet from Pastor Randy Norris
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Many leaders lean on leadership lies throughout their career. One of the biggest leadership lies is this one: “I can do it ALL by myself.”
Dr. Tim Martin, executive director/personal life and professional leadership coach/adjunct professor/motivational speaker/consultant
LinkedIn 5-6-17
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