Rashional Thoughts — I didn’t mean to make her cry

Rashional Thoughts — I didn’t mean to make her cry

I made her cry but it wasn’t my intention. I promise. My call was truly a sincere effort to understand what happened and share my concern with her.

But she wouldn’t let me finish my sentences nor would she listen to my concern. She continually cut me off, offered insincere and patronizing platitudes and basically hung up on me.

So I called her back and asked her why. Before long she was in tears.

Two weeks earlier I made a similar call to a different service provider in another state, but the experience was entirely different. She kindly listened to my full concern before saying a word and then graciously took responsibility for the mistake. She also found a way to make up for the flawed effort.

And best of all she didn’t try to blame me for any part of it, unlike the other service provider who found several ways to make her mistake my problem. The one who didn’t seem to care about my experience nor my impression of the service also never attempted to keep me as a customer.

Gracious spirit

Both people failed to do what they claimed they could and would do, but only one of them will get my return business. And it is actually the one who made the bigger mistake and the one I thought I would be telling others not to use. Instead I was tempted to take out an ad for her business. She was impressive with her customer service, sincere in her concern and gracious in her spirit.

I attempted to be kind and gracious as I made both calls — I succeeded on one and failed on the other. I’m sure you can guess which one worked and which one didn’t.

But I do know what it is like to be on the receiving end of an angry caller. It is hard to be silent and take what the other person is dishing out. Many times there are emotions involved causing the person to raise his or her voice, come across as extremely harsh or scolding and maybe even say things he or she will later regret.

If you are the one who made the mistake or caused the problem, then it is easy to become defensive when you are called out. And if the problem is not actually yours but you end up having to deal with the caller, then it is easy to become frustrated or impatient.

So whether you are the one making the call or the one receiving the call, it is an uncomfortable position. And most likely both of you are going to have a really bad day after the call.

What did I do about it? Well I wrote this column for one thing (typically my best therapy). I also shared my story with a few trusted friends and asked how I could have handled it differently.

They all immediately shared similar stories from their own experiences. It is interesting how a conversation like that scars us and stays with us. Sure we say we can brush it off and not let it bother us, but it does. It’s always there and easily pulled back to the surface with the slightest reminder.

In fact, as I write these words I’m remembering conversations like this from high school, college and at various points in my career. Some of the conversations hurt me deeply, some angered me and some taught me tough lessons, but all of them made an intense impression.

It also makes me question myself and wonder how many times my tone, attitude and response — no matter which end of the conversation I was on — reflected poorly for Christ. Would the other person have had a positive or negative view of Christians and Christianity after talking to me?

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Rashional Extras

‘Troubled Minds: Mental Illness and the Church’s Mission’
Excerpt of a book review from Church Health Reader (www.chreader.org)
By Kat Franchino

Amy Simpson grew up keeping secrets. The daughter of a father who was a pastor and a mother who struggled with schizophrenia, Simpson kept quiet about her family’s struggles with mental health, even as her mother tumbled in and out of psychosis. As Simpson writes in her book “Troubled Minds,” she and her siblings “adopted Unspoken Rules 1, 2 and 3. … Don’t talk about it. Everything is fine. No one outside the family will understand.”

People outside the family should understand though. With 1 in 4 adult Americans suffering from a diagnosable mental disorder and 1 in 17 suffering from serious and chronic mental illness, mental health should be a topic freely discussed and addressed in our society, especially in our churches.

Instead churches are filled with silent sufferers. “Troubled Minds” is a call for the Church — pastors, laypersons and members — to re-examine its treatment of people suffering from mental illness.

In churches “people have little tolerance for sticky messes,” writes Simpson. “These messes slow us down and require us to wrestle with questions we’d rather avoid. … Mental illness is exactly this kind of mess; ministering to people with mental illness requires us to get closer to them than — let’s be honest — many of us would like to get.”

Simpson describes mental illness as the “no casserole illness” and rightfully so. While congregations flock to provide food, rides and child care to members stricken with illnesses like cancer and heart disease, the homes of those with mental disorders are often devoid of such visits. And unlike other illnesses, Simpson adds, some mental health illnesses, especially serious and chronic ones such as bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, might never go away — a daunting thought for both those suffering from illness and those caring for them.

“Relevant Moment Making”
By Carlos Whitaker

Comments from his presentation to members of Baptist Communicators Association on April 16:

“I don’t want my kids to grow up remembering an Apple logo instead of my eyes.”

“You can live your life or your life can live you. … We seem to give away all the special moments in our lives. … Make sure we are using the tools and that the tools aren’t using us.”

“Not every tool is for every organization. What tool can we use that is new and use it well?”

“The goal of innovation is not to be cool. The goal is to be new.”

“Snapchat is the latest social media preference for teens and young people.”

“We have to think about mobile devices. Everything has to be mobile.”

Can’t we all get along?
Understanding and Appreciating Generational Differences
Excerpts from a presentation by Julie Walters of national Woman’s Missionary Union during the March Christian Women’s Leadership Center lunch meeting.

“Each of us has a set of individual values that are unique and important to us, but we also have generational values. … Currently there are four generations in the workforce and soon there will be five generations.”

A few tips for better team work:

  1. Understand and acknowledge generational differences.
  2. Be respectful.
  3. Be willing to listen.
  4. Be willing to learn.

“It also is good to try to mirror the other person’s communication style. If the person you are contacting always emails you back when you call and leave a message, then you know he or she prefers email to phone calls.”

5 elements of a powerful prayer: P — praise; R — repentance; I — intercession; S — supplication and M — meditation/listening to God. G. Frizzell
Mike Jackson
@jmikejackson

“Keep your eyes open as you go throughout today and in the future. There are important things going on and people needing help. But to help and to notice these happenings, you have to pay attention.”
Hannah Muñoz
Intern, The Alabama Baptist